How To Cope With a Relationship Break Up

Dealing with the breakdown of a romantic relationship can be one of the most emotionally challenging and emotionally charged experiences that we face.

Whether it’s the breakdown of a marriage or an intimate relationship, coping with a breakup can be fraught with heartache, anger, blame, and confusion.

The reality is, it doesn’t matter whether it is your first breakup, or if you’ve been through a relationship breakdown in the past, the experience rarely gets any easier.

Learn more about how to cope with a relationship break up and the steps that you can take in the days and weeks that follow a breakup to help you move forward.

The science behind the heartache

Breakups can be gut wrenching and all-consuming. For many of us, it’s hard to know where to start and how to cope with the intense feelings of loss that are associated with the end of a relationship.

The fact is, it doesn’t matter whether you were the one who was ‘broken up with’ or if you were the instigator of the breakup, both sides will feel many of the same feelings in the days and weeks that follow.

The initial days of the breakup are usually where we struggle to come to grips with what is happening. There are intense feelings of loss and you may even experience a visceral reaction in your chest – hence the term ‘heart ache’.

Research shows that breakups can indeed cause physical pain. A study by Florence Williams titled Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey takes a deep dive into the science behind the physical pain that we experience during a breakup. Williams instigated the study after struggling to reconcile the feelings she experienced when her husband of 25 years left her. She examines how breakups can affect our bodies, specifically the heart, immune system, and digestive system. Williams’ work used scientific research to substantiate the physical toll that emotional pain can have on our overall well-being.

Coping with a break-up

Each breakup is unique. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been through one or many, no one can truly understand what you are feeling. Each of us experience heartache and loss in our own ways. As such, your roadmap to overcoming heartache will be unique to you. With that said, here are some strategies and practices which may help you cope with the breakup of a relationship.

1. Give yourself time

At the end of a relationship, we have a tendency to want an immediate resolution. Whether that means reaching out to your ex-partner for closure or answers, or jumping back into the dating pool – each of us respond differently.

At the end of a relationship, it is important to give yourself the time and the freedom to experience grief and loss without rushing for answers. Don’t expect to resume your normal life within days – give yourself time and freedom to feel what you are feeling without any pressure to move forward immediately.

2. Don’t keep it bottled up

A breakup can be an isolating experience. Not only have you lost a partner, you may also be losing a best friend. For many of us, our partner is the person that we talk to, work through stress with, and process challenges with. To lose a partner often means you are also losing a confidant and an outlet.

In the days and weeks that follow a breakup, turn to friends, family, or professionals to seek support. It is important to have an outlet to express yourself and process your feelings. By talking through your feelings with someone, you will be better able to understand what you’re going through and take action to overcome your challenges.

3. Avoid drugs and alcohol

For many people, drugs and alcohol become a refuge during a break-up. Seeking a temporary escape from what you are experiencing through drugs and alcohol may be tempting, but it’s not the healthiest way forward. Not only can they negatively impact your mental health, they also prolong the inevitable emotional process that we all must go through before moving forward. Facing your emotions, rather than numbing them, is a more constructive path toward recovery and growth.

4. Stay away from triggers

In today’s digitally connected society, breakups require more discipline than ever. Social media apps like Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and Snapchat can make it hard to “get away” from your ex. Protecting your mental space is essential during this time, so be mindful of how these platforms may be affecting your emotional well-being.

There is no “right” digital etiquette when it comes to dealing with a breakup. However, if you are encountering triggers such as new Snapchat stories, Instagram updates, or mutual friends that are reminding you of your ex – it may be time to take a break from social media. If unfriending someone online is a step too far, consider reducing your time on social media or reducing your access to your ex’s profile so that you are not being inundated with reminders that may serve as a trigger. Creating some digital distance can help you focus on healing without constant reminders of the past.

5. Do it on your terms

No one can tell you how to feel during a breakup. We are all unique. The way that we respond to heartbreak and move forward after a breakup is a culmination of our personal lived experiences.

The steps and tips outlined in this article may provide a helpful starting point when it comes to coping with a relationship breakup. It’s important to work through your emotions in a way that works for you. Talk to friends, get into a routine, work on yourself. If you need more guidance, then consider seeking professional relationship counselling to help with working through your emotions and finding personalised strategies to move forward.