Self-Sabotage – Overcoming Self-Destructive Behaviours

Self-sabotage is when someone actively participates in behaviours that prevent them from reaching their goals. Sounds counterintuitive, right? Because it is. Self-sabotage is a behaviour that presents in patterns and is usually involuntary. 

Self-sabotaging behaviour can affect every facet of life, from relationships to work, and an individual’s own personal goals. While it may seem difficult to identify and overcome self-sabotaging behaviour, it is not impossible — with the right strategies, professional guidance, and a willingness to change, you can put a stop to self-destructive behaviours and make leaps and bounds in personal growth. 

What kind of behaviour is considered self-sabotage?

Any type of behaviour that hinders or impedes progress towards personal goals (whether directly or indirectly) is considered to be a form of self-sabotage. There are many types of displays of self-sabotaging behaviour — some of the most common forms are procrastination, self-medication, and perfectionism. 

Procrastination

Procrastination is a very common form of self-sabotage, often driven by deeper emotional or psychological factors such as fear of failure, lack of confidence or overwhelm. By putting off tasks and delaying time-sensitive duties, a person effectively puts their own progress on hold, whether it’s a work-related task, or something as simple as household chores. 

Self-medication 

Self-medication is a form of self-sabotage which may involve turning to substances like alcohol or drugs to cope with stressful situations, which can eventually lead to addiction. Other forms of self-medication include overeating and overworking, which are common ways people attempt to numb their emotions. While self-medication may provide some short-term relief, its detrimental effects can deter progress toward long-term goals.

Perfectionism

Feeling a compulsion to do things in the ‘perfect’ or ideal way can cause a person to not want to start on a task at all for fear of failing to do it right, which ends up being detrimental to any sort of progress towards their goals. Perfectionism can also lead to burnout or spending excessive time on minor details, which can delay progress towards one’s goals. 

What causes self-sabotage behaviour?

Self sabotaging behaviour can be born out of different environments, experiences, and emotions. The most common causes of self-sabotage include:

Low self-esteem

Self-destructive behaviour is often seen in individuals with low self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem has a low value of their self-worth or sees themselves in a negative way. This can result in taking actions which get in the way of personal progress as they believe that they do not deserve to be successful or rewarded.

Often, those who have suffered traumatic events during childhood or their formative years carry a negative perception of themselves into adulthood, which can become a source of low self-esteem and self-destructive behaviour. 

Cognitive dissonance

Cognitive dissonance refers to a conflict between two or more personal beliefs that a person holds. For example, a person may believe that if they put more effort into their work, they will have a higher chance of being promoted. At the same time, they may also hold the belief that their work is causing them too much mental stress. These two opposing beliefs can result in a great deal of tension, which can consciously or unconsciously result in working less to sabotage the promotion and find relief from this cognitive dissonance. 

Fear of the unknown

Uncertainty can drive people to seek out comfortable routines and behaviours that are more familiar to them, even if those behaviours are counterproductive. This is known as the status quo bias, which is the preference for maintaining the current state of affairs over change, even if change could lead to better outcomes While this is common, it can cause people who are trying to change certain behaviours to fall back into old habits and hinder themselves from making progress. 

Mental health issues

Mental health issues have been found to be linked with self-sabotaging behaviour. A study published by the National Library of Medicine exploring the relationship between self-sabotaging behaviours and borderline personality disorder found that over 63.3% of respondents engaged in at least one act of self-sabotaging behaviour. Other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and PTSD are also often associated with self-sabotaging behaviours. 

How to tell if you are sabotaging yourself

You can tell if you are sabotaging yourself by evaluating your behaviour in stressful situations based on how they impact your long-term goals. Any action or decision that conflicts with your long-term goals may be a sign of self-destructive behaviour. 

Other common signs of self-sabotaging behaviour include:

• Ignoring warning signs that you need a break from a certain activity
• Engaging in denial-binge cycles where you stop yourself from partaking in small things that you enjoy, only to overindulge in other things later on, like with a diet 
• Choosing to focus on negatives in your life when there are positives
• Worrying about potential consequences yet not taking any actions to address them
• Overcomplicating problems and the steps that you need to take to solve them
• Starting more projects than you have time to finish
• Returning to habits and routines that have not worked or are ineffective for what you want to achieve
• Consistently putting off more difficult tasks in favour of easier ones

This is not an exhaustive list – self-sabotaging behaviour can present differently for each individual. 

It can also be very challenging to identify self-sabotaging behaviour by yourself — the way we rationalise our own behaviour and actions can make it seem like there is nothing self-destructive about it, especially if we believe that our actions are justified. Getting a fresh perspective of your own behaviour from a friend, family member, or professional psychologist can help you to identify self-sabotaging behaviour more clearly.

What you can do to overcome self-destructive behaviours

Overcoming your self-destructive tendencies will take time and work, so it is essential to exercise patience and self-compassion during this process. With a willingness to change and the help of a professional therapist to guide you, you can put an end to self-sabotaging behaviours and make real progress in your personal life, relationships, and work. 

Here are some practical steps you can take:

• Journalling behaviours and thoughts: Self-sabotaging behaviour surfaces during times when you feel stressed or conflicted — when you feel this way, try to write down what you did, and what your thoughts were at that time. You may use prompts such as “What was I trying to avoid?” or “What outcome did I fear?”
• Reviewing entries: When you feel more composed, review what you have written down and compare them against your long-term goals. This can help you identify patterns in your behaviour in response to different situations. 
• Planning behavioural change: Make a plan to change your behaviour in line with what would actually help you progress toward your goals — use a trigger to guide the actions you take, for example: “When I feel tired at night, I will change into my pyjamas”. 
• Seek professional help: Professional counselling services can help you track your progress and provide customised strategies to effectively address your specific situation. 

Overcome self-sabotage with New Vision Psychology

At New Vision Psychology, we understand the challenges of overcoming self-destructive behaviours and are here to support you every step of the way. Our experienced psychologists provide tailored strategies and a compassionate approach to help you identify patterns, set achievable goals, and create meaningful change in your life. Let us help you move forward with confidence and clarity.