The 4 Types Of Attachment Styles

The ways we relate to family, friends, romantic partners, and even colleagues are unconsciously influenced by patterns of behaviour that develop from a young age. In psychology, these behavioural patterns are referred to as “attachment styles” – a concept rooted in attachment theory.

While attachment styles do not control how we act in our relationships, your attachment style can strongly influence how you think and feel, especially when conflicts arise. If you’ve found yourself in cycles of repeated issues in your relationships, understanding your attachment style can help you recognise what is happening and take the first step toward healthier and more secure relationships.

What Are the Types of Attachment Styles?

First developed by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, attachment theory postulates that the way people form relationships and interact in them can be categorised into distinct patterns of beliefs and behaviour, or attachment styles. Over decades of research on attachment theory, attachment styles have been refined into 4 types:

Anxious (Preoccupied) – Individuals with an anxious attachment style have a critical self-perspective but view others positively. They may seek closeness and approval, fear abandonment, and become preoccupied with relationships.
Avoidant (Dismissive) – Individuals with an avoidant attachment style view themselves positively, while viewing others as negatively. They often value independence, downplay the importance of close relationships, and avoid emotional intimacy.
Disorganised (Fearful-avoidant) – Individuals with a disorganised attachment style have a negative self-view and a negative view of others. They often have conflicting desires for closeness and fear of getting hurt.
Secure – Individuals with a secure attachment style have a healthy and balanced view of themselves and others. They are generally open to emotional connection and are trusting in relationships.

How Attachment Styles Present In People

Gaining insight into your attachment style can be a helpful step toward understanding patterns in your relationships. A trained psychologist will be able to help you accurately identify your attachment style. Attachment styles are shaped by a complex set of contributing factors that are unique to each individual – including their early life experiences, individual personalities, and life circumstances. As a general guide, here are some common ways each type of attachment style presents in adults and children.

Anxious Attachment Style

The anxious attachment style is marked by a fear of abandonment or emotional instability within relationships. Because individuals with this attachment style are highly critical of their self-worth, they become overly dependent on others for a sense of validation, security and reassurance.

Anxious attachment in adults may appear as an intense need for closeness, heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, and frequent reassurance-seeking, especially in romantic relationships. These individuals may worry they are not good enough and become preoccupied with their partner’s availability or affection.

In children, signs of anxious attachment include extreme distress during separations from caregivers and difficulty being consoled even after reunion. These patterns carry on into adulthood, shaping the way they experience trust, self-worth and connection.

Avoidant Attachment Style

People with an avoidant attachment style have a strong sense of independence and may feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness.. This often stems from early experiences with emotionally distant caregivers, leading them to believe that it is unsafe to rely on others.

Adults with an avoidant attachment style often appear distant or uncomfortable with deep intimacy. When others try to build closeness, they may withdraw or downplay their own emotional needs, which can be confusing or hurtful to partners and friends. .

Children with an avoidant attachment style tend not to seek comfort from caregivers and may seem indifferent to both separation and reunion. They also appear more interested in playing alone than with others.

Disorganised Attachment Style

The disorganised attachment style may be seen as a combination of the two previous attachment styles. It reflects a deep internal conflict between seeking closeness and fearing it, marked by inner confusion or fear without a clear strategy for connection.This is usually a result of inconsistent treatment from a caregiver who was both a source of comfort and fear.

Disorganised attachment may manifest in adults as contradictory behaviour or a push-pull dynamic in relationships – a person may have a strong desire for intimacy, yet resist opening up to others; they may reach out for connection, yet pull away when it’s offered. They may shut down, act unpredictably, or struggle to trust their loved ones.

In children, disorganised attachment can appear as confusion or contradictory behaviours around caregivers – for instance, expressing fear towards the person they turn to for safety. They lack a clear, consistent strategy for seeking comfort and connection.

Secure Attachment Style

Individuals with a secure attachment style are comfortable forming deep connections and openly sharing their thoughts and feelings with others. They trust others, maintain healthy boundaries, and balance both closeness and independence in relationships. People with a secure attachment style feel safe and valued in giving and receiving love.

How Do Attachment Styles Develop?

Early childhood experiences have the biggest impact on the development of your attachment style, especially during the first few years of life.The relationship between a child and their primary caregiver shapes how the child comes to understand trust, safety, and connection.

Children who get care and attention from caregivers who consistently meet their physical and emotional needs are more likely to develop a secure attachment style. On the other hand, children with caregivers who are inconsistent, neglectful or emotionally unavailable tend to develop insecure attachments, which carry on into other relationships as they grow.

Can Attachment Styles Change?

Yes – attachment patterns can shift over time. While early experiences play a powerful role, attachment styles are not set in stone. With self-awareness, healthy relationships, and professional help, many people move toward greater security and wellbeing in their connections. The first step t is recognising your current attachment patterns. From there, professional counselling can help you explore these patterns and safely practice new ways of relating to others.
New Vision Psychology offers professional counselling and therapy in Sydney for adults, children, and families to help them develop secure attachments in relationships. We have a multicultural team of clinical and registered psychologists who can help you understand your attachment style and guide you towards forming healthy and secure relationships with your loved ones. Book an appointment at our psychology clinics in the Sydney CBD, Chatswood, Burwood, Castle Hill and Hurstville.